A Smashing Christmas
by MisterDrBob
Summary: Oh Lord, what have I done? Re-posted closer to Christmas.


A Smashing Christmas

Summary: Oh Lord, what have I done?!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Most of it belongs to Nintendo, Snake and Grey Fox belong to Konami, and Sonic and Shadow belong to SEGA.

Snowflakes drifted gently down to the ground all around Nintendo City. They had begun to build up and it was beginning to look like tomorrow would see a good five inches. Unfortunately, that was the only thing peaceful going on right now.

The Super Smash Bros. mansion was the pinnacle of Nintendo City, and right now it looked fine, but on the inside, things were out of control as always.

**"Alright can we all just calm down and listen up?"** Master Hand shouted over the babble of the Smashers. As usual, the Smashers ignored him except for little teachers pets like Lucas who sat down and stared at Master Hand with big dopey eyes, scaring the crap out of the disembodied hand.

**"Um, okay, can I have someone who's not Lucas listen?" **Deciding to take one for the team, Link paid attention, which caused other people to feel guilty, which started a chain reaction of guilt, and pretty soon everyone was listening.

**"Uh, wow, okay. Thanks Lucas, Link. So, as you're all aware, the annual Christmas party is coming up. All Smashers, Assist Trophies, Subspace enemies, and Pokemon are allowed to attend. You're encouraged to mingle with them. You know, make them feel not as bad about not being invited to the brawl." **From the Assist Trophy room, Samurai Goroh, Little Mac, Waluigi, and Saki cried uncontrollably.

"Do we have to go?" Snake asked.

**"Well, if you really don't want to go, you don't have to. But you'll have to do something else." **

"Such as?"

**"You sit quietly in the classroom and do busy work." **

"...."

**"That's what I thought." **

------------

In no time at all it was time for the party. Things were actually going okay for the first ten minutes. Nobody had been mauled, blown up, or humiliated in any way. Yet.

Snake sat in his box bored out of his mind. He decided to see who would talk to him on his Codec.

"Otacon, I'm at the Christmas party and bored out of my skull. Please, just say anything to keep me from going crazy!" Otacon sighed.

"You're so antisocial, Snake. You should try and make some friends." Colonol Campbell interrupted.

"He's right, Snake. Making friends here could be a great advantage on the battlefield. Now go out there and make some friends!"

"Deceptive warfare, huh? Okay Colonol, I'm on it." Snake exited the conversation. He saw Grey Fox sitting at a table alone.

"Hey, Frank."

"Oh, Snake. It's you."

"We're cool, right?"

"...You beat me to a pulp, left me for dead, then let me kill myself to stop Metal Gear as a half-dead cyborg ninja nine years later without any thanks whatsoever. Screw off." Snake took the hint, retreated back into the box and began looking around for new friends.

Marth sighed as he watched Mario and Peach sharing a kiss under the mistletoe.

"Why is it that I never get the girl? I'm ten times prettier than Mario. And look at Pit! He looks like a twelve-year-old and Samus adores him!"

"Um, news flash," Ike said, "you do get the girl. She's your _wife_. You know, from your game."

"Who are you talking about?" Ike facepalmed himself.

"Shiida! You marry Shiida at the end of your second game!"

"Shidda's a girl?"

"What the crap? You didn't know?"

"Well, _she_ (I guess) isn't as pretty as me, so I naturally assumed she was a man."

".....You are the biggest idiot I have ever met. Back me up here Link." Link shrugged.

"What for? You're the one who burst his bubble."

"How? I fight for my friends! If anything I built a better bubble."

"That's the lamest sentence I've heard all year."

"Maybe so, but I just proved that he does in fact get the girl, so therefore he shouldn't be griping!" Link shrugged again.

"I've gotten used to it. You have to spend a whole year with him to do it. Don't worry, Ike. It's tough at first, but then it gets real easy after the third month. You just kind of learn to tune him out and then you sink into peaceful blissful oblivion." the look on Link's face told Ike that his friend had indeed gone mad. Much later than he had ever thought, but better late than never.

Snapping out of his narration of ignoring Marth, Link was bumped by a cardboard box. He sighed.

"Get real, Snake. We all know it's you under there. Well, except for Kirby." As if to prove his point, Kirby walked over and inhaled the box.

"**_!_**" Snake wasn't the only surprised one.

"Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh! It's the convict! Everybody run!" Everybody went crazy, diving for cover and running like headless chickens.

"I'll handle this!" Captain Falcon shouted. Snake's expression turned to one of absolute rage. They rushed at each other complete with anime rushing background.

"I've had enough of you! DIE!"

"FALCON....... PUNCH!" A universe shattering explosion occured from the impact. But it was okay. It was a different universe. Snake wasn't too lucky though.

"Ow! I think you lacerated my kidney!" Captain Falcon shrugged.

"All's fair in love and pudding. This is a bit of both." Snake glared at him.

"That doesn't make any sense! I guess I shouldn't expect any better though. Ow, I'm really in a lot of pain." Mario struck a herioc pose.

"This looks like a job for.....DR. MARIO!" He tore open his....er.....overalls, revealing a lab coat underneath. He rushed Snake out on a gurney to the confusion of many of the Smashers.

"So.....the convict was.....Snake?" Olimar asked rubbing his head while his Pikmin began talking confusedly amongst themselves.

"DOES NOT COMPUTE. SNAKE IS HERO. CONVICT IS BAD." R.O.B. droned. Mr. Game & Watch beeped in agreement. Sonic nodded.

"Yeah, I always thought Snake was an okay guy. A little creepy, but a good guy."

"Now hang on a second." Fox reasoned. "Snake might be creepy, but he's saved the world too many times to be a criminal. Now let's not loose our heads and-"

"It's all Kirby's fault!" Luigi shouted.

"Let's sacrifice him!" Ness screamed.

"Pika pika!" Pikachu shouted. Everyone stared at him.

"That was wrong on so many levels. And that's coming from a guy like me." Ganondorf admonished the electric mouse.

"Look, let's forget what the rat said and sacrifice the little gumball." Dedede bellowed, eager to try and take down his rival. "You're with me, right Meta Knight?"

"Most of the time, I try to forget that I work for you at all." This remark was ignored by the King of Dreamland.

"It's official then, we'll sacrifice Kirby!" Donkey Kong roared. Ganondorf advanced toward the pink puffball who was peacefully oblivious to his imminent doom.

"Kali ma! **Kali ma**!" Ganondorf began chanting. He thrust his hand into Kirby to try and tear out his heart, but found that really, Kirby only had a stomach.

"Well drat." Wolf grunted.

Fox and Falco began slapfighting while Red the Pokemon Trainer cheered them on. Falco began shooting at Fox. Red shouted,

"Fox! Do a barrel roll!" Fox glared.

"Only Peppy's allowed to say that!" Undeterred, Red sent out Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard to help his hero screaming,

"Use bombs wisely!" Unfortunately for Fox, the confused Pokemon only attacked him, making Falco the victor.

Yoshi and Wario began a contest to see who could eat the most Bob-ombs. Yoshi thought he'd won, but then he was knocked out by Sheik who was rooting for Wario. In retaliation, Peach began fighting with Sheik, who transformed back into Zelda in hopes of confusing Peach. It didn't work, and Zelda found herself being thrown into the food table.

Meanwhile across the room, Jigglypuff, a Hammer Bro., Diddy Kong, the Ice Climbers, Little Mac, Toon Link, and Tingle were playing a game of indeterminable sort.

"Got any sevens?"

"Nope. Checkmate."

"Aw man, you sunk my battleship!"

"But you put the eight ball in the side pocket, so you get a chance to connect four."

"What are you talking about? He's got a straight flush. He loses!"

"You don't know what you're talking about Mac! A straight flush is undone by sinking the eight ball. Gosh! Get with it!"

"But didn't he also break the ice? That means he loses automatically doesn't it?"

"Huh, I didn't think of that. Thanks Nana. Alright, Toon Link loses, and Tingle has to spin the bottle now." Tingle gave it a twirl and it landed on the Hammer Bro.

"Colonel Mustard in the lounge with the lead pipe!"

"Aw man, I'm stuck in the Molasses Swamp!" Tingle moaned. Diddy laughed.

"King me, creepy-man."

Over by the punch table, Mr. Resetti and Dr. Wright drowned their sorrows in punch.

"Nobody respects me anymore man," Mr. Resetti said, "Nobody shows repect to their elders or moles anymore. I show up and people just say 'oh look, its Resetti, what's he going to do, lecture us to death?' I tell you man, I'm tired of it."

"I know, man, I know." Dr. Wright said. "I show up and people just laugh. They say 'Oh look its that architect from SimCity that's a poorly done charicature of Will Wright! Watch out, or you'll get caught by the buildings! It's not like we can just move out of the way or anything!'" They both sighed and took swigs of punch.

Pikachu ran for dear life as he was being chased incessantly by a litter of Nintendog puppies.

Across the room, Olimar was giving his Pikmin team a pep talk.

"Okay team, the Goombarines have a good offensive, but we've got something they don't have. Yes, that's right, we've got the fighting spirit! That killer instinct! Now once the half-time show's over, let's get out there and pummel them the Pikeye way!" Another group of Pikmin was busy marching and playing band instruments scripting out OHIO. The crowd made up of Subspace enemies, Ness, Lucas, Captain Falcon, Wolf, R.O.B., Mr. Game & Watch, the Devil, Waluigi, a Metroid, Ridley, the Infantry, and Tabuu cheered, Bowser finished giving the Goombarines his pep talk, and the football game resumed.

Succumbing to boredom, Ike, Saki, Shadow, and Link had begun using Yellow Alloys to bowl with the Blue Alloys as the pins and the hallway out of the ballroom as the lane.

Meanwhile, Sonic and Lucario were having a fight over who was cooler and bluer. Of course, Sonic would win.

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

It's just that I like Sonic more than you. It's nothing personal, it's just that I'm a Sonic fan and I can't play as you without having to resort to camping. Zelda pointed.

"Look! It's the author making a blatant attempt to copy off of Bob and George!"

Ah! I can't believe this! I will not be insulted in my own story! Who says I'm trying to copy off of Bob and George, huh? I make one statement of opinion, and everyone completely ignores the story and turns to insult me!

"What in the name of Smash is going on here?!" Master Hand asked, appearing with Crazy Hand randomly in a poof of smoke.

You! This is your fault!

"You got me! _I_ ate the potato salad out of the bank vault!" Crazy cried.

I thought I could trust you with authority over these clowns! I can see I was wrong. Is this even about Christmas anymore?! I just wanted to write a story about you all celebrating the birth of Jesus and you don't care! Ugh! I don't know why I even bother! I'm out of here. Have a nice life, guys.

Pit coughed. "That was....awkward. Man, I feel bad now." Samus nodded.

"Yeah, poor guy. He just wanted to have fun. You know what, let's get everything back on track." Just about everyone agreed, except for Snake because he was busy being unconscious while Dr. Mario worked on his kidney. Pretty soon, things were relatively back to normal. The Ohio State Pikeyes beat the Michigan Goombarines 42-7, Popo ended up winning the game that nobody knew the rules to, Snake had been restored to perfect health by Dr. Mario, and nobody was trying to sacrifice Kirby. Everybody sat and listened to a caroling choir of Alloys, Towtows, Primids, and Floows. Luigi suddenly jumped up.

"Hey, if the author abandoned the story in disgust, how is it still going?"

Uhhhhh.....

"Author! You're back! You do care!" Peach shouted.

Well I never really left. And....yes. I do care.

"Oh, author, we're sorry. We'll get things back on track."

You already have, Fox, you already have. Merry Christmas Smashers!

Hello, Christmas is a special time of year. A time of joy, love, and giving. However most people take Christmas for granted. They complain that it's a man-made holiday designed to vitalize the economy and a time for greed. But Christmas is so much more than that. Christmas is the time we take to celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. Even if you don't beleive in his divinity (I do, but that's beside the point), it cannot be denied that Jesus was the most influential man to ever live. I don't know about you, but I think that's something to celebrate. So with a merry heart filled with the spirit of the season, I say to you readers, Merry Christmas.


End file.
